I wasn’t sure what I was going to title this piece initially. Phase C didn’t sound that catchy; Star Trek: Out of the Closet has a better ring to it, but this has nothing to do with Star Trek. Eventually, my love for rap music won.
Let me preface this by saying I know everyone’s experiences aren’t universal and I am speaking from a personal point of view.
Love, Victor recently released their second season and it dealt with something I don’t think we’ve seen on television a lot.
What happens after you come out of the closet?
I can relate to Love, Victor’s titular character, Victor Salazar’s, (Michael Cimino) upbringing. I was raised in a Christian household. When I told my mom I liked girls, she reacted in a similar way Victor’s mom did.
I’ll admit it hurts that my mom won’t accept me for me, but I accept me.
And during the second season, we see Victor learn to accept his sexuality and grow more into himself.
Coming out of the metaphorical closet isn’t the final step of gayhood. (There isn’t one).
During the sophomore season, Victor gets into a heated argument with his boyfriend Benji (George Sear) in which Benji revealed his exasperation over Victor’s journey of acceptance and having to ‘put up’ with his family drama.
“I don’t know, Victor. There’s the fact that you’re completely new to being gay and every single thing we go through is this massively big deal that we have to examine and, then, there’s your mom who thinks that you’re going to hell for being with me and every time she takes a tiny step forward, I’m supposed to jump for joy.”
I will admit that I don’t watch a lot of LGBT+ focused media. I didn’t watch Love, Simon. But, with the shows I have watched, I’ve noticed that writing tends to frame coming out of the closet as this final moment of clarity. People who are in the closet as almost always framed as being ashamed or not fully accepting of themselves. Sometimes that is the case, but not always. Sometimes people are still figuring things out.
Coming out of the closet doesn’t automatically mean you have everything figured out. I believe it just means you’re more sure of yourself, that you’re ready to publicly acknowledge that part of yourself.
Victor messages Simon a lot for advice and decides to take a trip to New York to talk to him in person towards the end of the first season. Simon (Nick Robinson) is out of town so Bram (Keiyan Lonsdale) and his roommates welcome Victor to the city with open arms.
Victor fells a little out of his depth around Bram’s roommates to which Bram reminds Victor that there is no one way to be gay.
“You can be femme, you can be butch, athletic, or in Simon’s case, painfully un-athletic.”
Gay people can be whatever they want and part of the process of fully coming into yourself is figuring out what works for you.
It’s a process and won’t always be easy, but it always worth it in the end.
The second season of Never Have I Ever also has a similar storyline with their Black, socially awkward lesbian character Fabiola (Lee Rodriguez). She’s feels unsure of herself around her girlfriend and her girlfriend’s companions. She doesn’t understand their pop culture references and, at one point, Fabiola asks her best friend who Villanelle is.
It can be difficult being around people who already have themselves figured out when you are just beginning to.
It’s important to remember that everyone moves at their own pace and that’s completely okay.
Take your time and figure out what’s right for you.
Bram is a fictional character, but his advice to Victor rings true in real life. There is no one way to be gay.
